After going to numerous shows for 10+ years (yes, it's really been that long assholes) I've determined that there are several common characters you'll find at rock concerts these days. They may very slightly (i.e. the Godsmack tattoo is found on their right bicep rather than their lower back) but mostly epitomize the same stereotype. Please enjoy my list and let me know if I've missed out on any important characters.
1) The Old Stuff Is Better Guy
Doesn't matter what the band is doing these days. They could be making the weirdest instrumental music, creating the hardest rocking tunes of their career or a combination, but this guy is never satisfied. "I'm only here for the old shit" is his most common statement in between drags of a never-ending pack of cigarettes. Forget the fact that he wouldn't have known about the band had it not been for their new stuff (16-year-old Weezer fans, I'm looking in your direction), the only thing worth listening to is the first record (and maybe moments of the second). I'm usually involved in this conversation:
HIM: Yeah dude, the old shit is so much better, after that, the music just got totally gay.
ME: Interesting. So it started having sexual relations with other music of its same gender?
HIM: Shut up, fag.
Unfortunately, this guy never seems to go away because, like his music tastes, he never moves forward in life and will still be seen at every show you're at, shouting for the old songs.
2) The fat "All the girls here are sluts/whores" girl
This is usually the fat girl with glasses that has camped out on the front rail for the past 4 stops of the tour. She'll get there at 5am so she reserves this spot (only usually to have it taken from her when the crowd gets a little rowdy). She's quick to dismiss any semi-attractive girl because, "these girls dress like total sluts." What it really comes down to is the fact that she's insecure and there for pretty much the same reasons as the girls dressed as total tramps: She wants to suck off the touring keyboardist. She's also the same girl that posts on every bands message board with a never ending mantra of pictures of her and bands in her signature as well as pictures of her and her "fiance" (usually a dude who's also overweight and has bad facial hair). If you listen to washed up 90's alt-rock bands, you'll see a lot of these girls (and, since I do listen to lots of washed up 90's alt-rock bands, I have to deal with her a lot).
3) The AC/DC shirt guy
No matter how awesome the show you're at is, no matter how much the band kills it, it will never top the '87 Back In Black tour (NOTE: I don't know, or care, if AC/DC was on tour in 1987 or if they were promoting Back In Black at the time, blow me). Usually carries around some stank bottle of whiskey under his jean jacket that he offers to 14-year-old kids with braces (who take a swig, nearly vomit, and then muster up the courage to say "yeah man, that's some good shit!") Usually also features green teeth, dark ratty long hair and will hit on all those disgusting biker chicks that make you vomit. Luckily, I've been seeing this guy less and less at most shows (probably because he's 55+ at this point). Hopefully we can exterminate this breed from earth and move on.
4) The "yo man, watch my girl" dude
DRESS: Polo shirt or button-down shirt with 2-3 buttons unbuttoned (to show off the sweet chest hair), collar popped, stupid barbed wire tattoo, holding onto his girlfriend who has the skunk dye job, way too much eye make-up and sandals. These two morons usually stake out the front of the stage and when people start dancing, pushing, moshing, and doing the electric slide, this guy is sure to grab anyone who comes within 2 feet of his girl, shove them roughly and shout "Yo man, watch my girl." Another version of this character reverts back to the fat "all the girls are sluts" girl and her annoying boyfriend. They somehow think people are trying to "get" with her when they bump into her and also will shove you when some musclehead with a Godsmack t-shirt starts "kicking major ass!" in the pit and you get thrown into them. Bad news all round people, please don't breed any more fat people (or people who like Godsmack)
5) The pretentious hipster dufus
This (and I say this meaning it's a thing, not a real person) can come in two forms: male or female. They usually stick their nose up at most of the crowd and pat themselves on the back for being from New York (NOTE: Although they live in New York, their usually originally from New Jersey, Iowa, or some other shithole state that they constantly rage against). Cheesy facial hair or elegantly disheveled hair, tight t-shirts and even tighter jeans can be found on these guys. Make sure not to mention the Velvet Underground because they will cream their pants and then you'll be standing in a big wet sopping mess right there in Irving Plaza. What's also funny is, usually, there's some photo tucked away in the family photo album of them with an over-sized Bush or Limp Bizkit shirt on. Everyone of them also thinks that "everyone from high school sucked" and that "I was different" which not only clusters them even closer together, but gives them no form of originality except for the strict code of ethics that them and all their dumbass friends follow. Avoid at all costs (except when going to a Young Jeezy concert)
6) The annoying street team girl
Unlike you and I, when these girls go to defecate, they actually shit out stickers of shitty bands. Seriously, these girls have a never ending supply of stickers to hand out to you as you were entering/exiting a show, going to the bathroom, going to get a drink, going to scratch your ass, etc. One of the best ways this country could stop pollution is getting rid of street teamers and their dumbass stickers for us to conveniently toss onto the ground. Oh, and you assholes who put that bullshit on my windshield during the show, I'm on to you. There will be a stiff kick to the colon if I ever catch you guys. Also, street teamers will usually be running around with a clipboard hoping to get you to sign up for some shitty mailing list so some shitty band can email you 6 times a day about their shitty shows for their shitty music and also shitty updates "from the road."
7) The "hey let's start a mosh pit to this total puss-rock band" guy
If you ever go see a light rock or pop/rock band that has that one semi-aggressive song, there's usually some idiot who tries to start a push mosh pit with a bunch of 40-year-old corporate ball-lickers and little girls around. Clearly lacking the inability to judge the environment he's currently he in, he then acts totally surprised when grabbed by the "yo man, watch my girl" asshole. On the other hand, I kind of like seeing this guy piss everyone off, so it really depends on my mood whether I like him or hate him.
8) The person trying to carry four beers through a packed crowd
This always seems to happen at Hammerstein ballroom for reason. The person has the tray of four drinks, filled to the top, and then tries carrying them all the way to the front WITHOUT SPILLING A DROP. However, when they do spill, it's always on you and is simply brushed off with a "woah, sorry dude."
9) The guy who doesn't quite understand why roadies have to test out the instruments.
What most people understand is that when the roadies do the whole "Check 1, 2, 3" thing into the mic, they are testing the levels, not to see if it works or not. So, yes you, the guy who yells "It works, just plug in and go!", you really need to shut the fuck up. Unless you want the band to sound like a cow getting raped by Raffi, they need to check the levels so everything sounds right. If you can't understand, please go back to watching the WWE or NASCAR or whatever the fuck it is you do to stimulate the two brain cells you have left.
10) The "Freebird" guy
I have no idea why this was ever funny, yet alone why it's still funny but it needs to end. There's no need to yell "Freebird" at some point. No one wants to hear that song and the band you're watching sure as hell doesn't want to play it. Seriously, it's NOT FUCKING FUNNY, stop doing it.
11) The person who uses their sidekick/cell phone for the entire set
Ever notice that when the band first comes on, no longer do people cheer, but cell phones immediately go up to take crappy pictures and videos. Listen, this is for all you losers who post your own videos on You Tube from shows. No one wants to see your crappy video with the shaky camera and the audio that sounds like someone stepping on the nuts of a Siamese cat. IT SOUNDS SHITTY AND IT LOOKS SHITTY which means NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING WATCH IT. Also, why the hell are you blowhards spending the entire concert trying to get pictures and watching the show through your tiny cell phone video recorder. Is that REALLY how you want to remember the experience?
12) "Hard dudes" at girly pop-punk shows
Ok man, listen, it's Yellowcard at the Nokia Theatre here in Times Square. There's no need for you to wear your bandanna and wife beater and act like you're some trashy bar in White Plains. NOBODY'S IMPRESSED. This guy will be the first to start the pit and will push little girls and small kids around just to "get his mosh on, brah." Why people like this are allowed to breed, I have no idea...
13) Those bored girls in the VIP section
Take a glance up at the VIP section in any club (particularly those in NYC) and you'll see the same old girls with the same shitty blonde hair dye jobs, looking completely bored. In fact, for the most part they don't even know the band, the songs, or even where they are for the most part. What they do know is they've banged the balding bass player at least 40 times and keep coming back for more for some reason since they love the prestige of being up in the VIP area even though they will loudly declare that they are "so sick of the scene." Yeah, right. They will scorn pretty much every other girl in there and will sit with the pout look on their face for the entire night (until later in the evening, when something sweaty is inserted into their mouth, wiping the pout face off for a guaranteed 2 minutes at least).
14) Music Industry blowhards hanging out in the back
There's usually two types of these. The unpaid interns who somehow have business cards trying to impress 16-year-olds by offering them tips for "making it in the industry." The other type is the balding, impotent, cokehead exec who is frustrated because it's not 1994 and kids are stealing all his shitty acts' music off of Limewire or whatever bullshit p2p program is big at the moment. He's usually in the VIP section right along next to the previously mentioned bored VIP girls, looking for a Dirty Sanchez later in the evening while his unaware wife is at home.
15) The bitter/cynical/sarcastic dork who makes fun of everyone and then goes home to write about it in his stupid blog that no one reads.
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Dissecting PAED
For those of us tuned into the online music world of news and commentary, a lot of venture to Pitchfork to read reviews of the latest hot jamz (no need for the s anymore kids) from our favorite artists. The problem is that Pitchfork has its own language. It's called PAED (pronounced just like the word "paid"). What it stands for is: Pretentious and Enlightened Douche. PAED has been building a strong following in the last 7 or so years. I'd like to think SPIN would be the first place I caught this new language, and since then, it's navigated to Pitchfork, punknews.org and every other blog written by someone with dumb glasses and stupid haircuts living in Brooklyn (SIDENOTE: When did glasses all of a sudden become cool? There's a reason "four eyes" is a famous insult, we need to bring that back). Not a lot of people are fluent in PAED but chances are, if you go catch an Of Montreal show, you'll find many people speaking the language. I'll give a few examples:
"You listen to My Chemical Romance? That's pure corporate product." TRANSLATION: "Since I'm so insecure with myself, I judge people based on their music tastes alone and if you listen to anything that 13-year-old girls like, you must be an idiot and I'll refer to the band as a "product" even if they've toured their asses off in shitty vans, playing even shittier clubs."
"People from Middle America just don't understand the brilliance of Bright Eyes. I mean, most of those guys like Nickelback or that kind of crap." TRANSLATION: "Even though I come from the middle of Pennsylvania, since I moved to Brooklyn, I have automatically transformed into a more enlightened and cultured individual. Oddly enough, I preach to others that I am individual and accept all people for what they are, yet at the same time, I find it acceptable to generalize about 95% of the U.S. population."
"This club used to be cool but there are too many B&T people here." TRANSLATION: "I need to assert myself over the other people in this place because I feel insecure so I have to point out that they are not from Manhattan. Nevermind that 98% of the island isn't from here originally, and I grew up in Texas. I'm now living in Manhattan and I'm better than everyone."
Whew, I almost broke a sweat. Ok kids, listen up. For today's listen, I'm going to translate a review from Pitchfork since their reviews are written entirely in PAED. This one is for one of the freshest jamz of the last 10 years: Foo Fighters The Colour And The Shape. Make sure you're taking notes so you're not confused next time you go see that "genius" from Bright Eyes make animal noises with his guitar. (Pitchfork is in bold, I'm not, even though I am).
The Colour and the Shape was the Foo Fighters' second album, but it's the first to receive the commemorative 10th anniversary treatment. That's not to suggest the album is superior to Dave Grohl's 1995 Foos debut (it's not), but its double-platinum sales did mark the band's permanent transformation from humble hobby project into the grunge Wings: i.e., a band that could never claim the same cultural impact as its antecedent, but that can at least get played just as much on KROQ. And that was to be expected-- The Colour and the Shape's 1997 release was perfectly timed to herald modern rock radio's shift from grunge's roar to emo's wail.
TRANSLATION: I have to first make it clear that I knew about Foo Fighters from day one and I appreciate their first CD the most, since that was the least successful. I also have to claim that the record was somewhat tailored for radio play because, anytime someone cleans up the sound of their guitars or drums, they're clearly thinking "Yes! Radio will play this song!" To sum up, I am establishing my credibility in this first paragraph.
More so than the Foo Fighters' debut-- a homemade, self-recorded collection of demos Grohl had accumulated while manning Nirvana's drum stool-- The Colour and the Shape presented a true picture of the kind of group Grohl wanted to be in, had he not been sidetracked by the job of drumming for the biggest American rock band of the early 1990s. But despite Grohl's dream-team assembly-- Pixies producer Gil Norton, Germs guitarist Pat Smear, Sunny Day Real Estate bassist Nate Mendel, and former Alanis Morrissette drummer Taylor Hawkins (who joined after the album's recording)-- that band would turn out to be much more formulaically mall-punk than the Foos' torn 'n' frayed debut suggested.
TRANSLATION: I'm making it a point to remind you, yet again, that I liked the debut better because it's so much cooler to be down with the old stuff than new stuff. Notice how I point out how there were former members of The Germs and Sunny Day Real Estate. You might, at first, think I was mentioning that in case some people didn't know. Well, that's part of the reason, but the other reason is so I can assert myself over you and subconsciously point out that you're not as cultured as I am since you probably don't own and Germs or Sunny Day Real Estate records.
On that first album, Grohl displayed a remarkable deftness for balancing melody and menace-- even as the rocket-launcher riffs of "This Is a Call" and "I'll Stick Around" shot into the red, he never lost his cool. On The Colour and the Shape, the noise/pop relationship feels more forced, like Grohl's trying too hard to grind down his sweet tooth into a fang, dressing up virtually every song in a chrome-plated guitar gilding that boosts the volume and fidelity, but ultimately dulls the impact. Maybe he's overcompensating for being a softie at heart: the gentlest turns are either presented as brief teasers (the 84-second opener "Doll"), are appended with portentous, power-ballad choruses ("February Stars"), or are muted into a blur ("Walking After You", which reappeared in improved, revised form on The X-Files movie soundtrack). Or just contrast the first album's standout single "Big Me" with The Colour's "Up in Arms", two melodically similar songs in vastly different packaging: Where the former is content to coast as a simple, gentle jangle, the latter resorts to a soft/loud about-face that feels like nudge-wink schtick.
TRANSLATION: Wow, I bet you thought I was reviewing The Colour And The Shape but I'm teasing you by still talking about the 1st record. I'm making comparisons between songs on those records and making sure you realize that, yes, once again the first record is superior than the second. Even though the first record used the same soft/loud dynamics that I'm complaining about, I'm still going to bitch because that's what I do best!
Listening to the album a decade later, it's clear the singles were singles for a reason: "Monkey Wrench" romps like a typical Grant Hart Hüsker Dü number but is given a massive kick by Grohl's climactic, hoarse-throated third verse, and "My Hero" strikes the uncharted middle ground between sensitive-guy vulnerability and Super Bowl pre-game show soundtrack. And then, of course, there's the song that's kept me from unloading this disc at the used-record store: "Everlong", one the most affecting, passionate rock songs of the 1990s-- Sonic Youth's "Teenage Riot" recast as Weezer's "Say It Ain't So". (And yet, not even this pensive ode to blossoming romance is immune from the Foos' jokester tendencies-- thanks to its horror-spoof video, every time I hear this song I picture Taylor Hawkins in a Goldilocks outfit.)
TRANSLATION: So, here I do something out of the norm. I actually compliment the singles. In typical PAED fashion, I usually would poo-poo the singles because other people like them. However, I'm also sure to call out Sonic Youth to again assert myself over you because you probably don't have any of their records. I'm also letting you know that I really don't think this CD is that big of a deal and would have sold it to a used CD store (or your kid brother Blake) because I couldn't be bothered with such rubbish, yet when Sonic Youth goes around recording the sound of the heater clicking and a toilet being plunged, I'll refuse to part with that CD overnight and make up some bullshit story about how it "shaped my musical tastes."
The six B-sides tacked onto this anniversary edition-- four of them covers-- would seemingly serve as little more than excuse for the Foos to goof off, but in effect they lend the '97 Foos more, well, color and shape. On the album proper, Grohl shrieks that he doesn't get "enough space," but the robo-punk redux of Vanity 6's "Drive Me Wild" and the dub-metal prowl through Gary Numan's "Down in the Park" give the Foos room to explore the outer edges of their pop-punk parameters. Even the song most susceptible to the vagaries of kitsch, Gerry Rafferty's smooth-rock standard "Baker Street", is played with a straight face, and proves an ideal complement to Grohl's voice (though it also proves you shouldn't send a guitar to do a sax's job). The final bonus cut is the caterwauling, feedback-screeched title track, which was left off the original tracklist yet provides the only real evidence on this whole album that one of the Foo Fighters used to be in The Germs.
TRANSLATION: Since I gave the CD a 5.8 (which would still be an F by most school's standards) I have to at least tell you some of the parts I think are good. Naturally, those would be the B-sides, since that re-emphasises how I'm into things that are "out-of-the-norm" and "not mainstream."
Then again, this album was always about severing ties to the past, with Grohl's post-relationship purging ("I was always caged and now I'm freeeee!") doubling as a metaphor for his promotion from drummer to camera-ready frontman. At the time of The Colour and the Shape's release, many interpreted "My Hero" as a requiem for Kurt Cobain. But if there's a conversation going on between Grohl and his fallen friend here, it's in the arena-sized chorus of "Hey, Johnny Park", when he wonders, "Am I selling you out?" As the subsequent 10-year string of radio hits has shown, it's a question Grohl would never have to ask again.
TRANSLATION: Even though Dave Grohl went through a messy divorce around the time of making the record, I'm still going to assume that "Monkey Wrench" was written about him jumping ship from drums to guitars. Who cares that he had been writing songs since 1990 on guitar, I mean, the meaning is clear! I also make it a point to use the good ol' "sellout" argument because Foo Fighters have achieved mainstream success. Even though Dave Grohl has always wrote passionate songs, stayed away from trends yet refined the bands sound, I must make it a point to knock them down a few notches because they sound a lot crisper and cleaner than Nirvana.
Well, I hope I helped clear up the PAED language. If you have any more questions, just hop on the subway over to Williamsburg and I'm sure someone will be happy to assist you.
"You listen to My Chemical Romance? That's pure corporate product." TRANSLATION: "Since I'm so insecure with myself, I judge people based on their music tastes alone and if you listen to anything that 13-year-old girls like, you must be an idiot and I'll refer to the band as a "product" even if they've toured their asses off in shitty vans, playing even shittier clubs."
"People from Middle America just don't understand the brilliance of Bright Eyes. I mean, most of those guys like Nickelback or that kind of crap." TRANSLATION: "Even though I come from the middle of Pennsylvania, since I moved to Brooklyn, I have automatically transformed into a more enlightened and cultured individual. Oddly enough, I preach to others that I am individual and accept all people for what they are, yet at the same time, I find it acceptable to generalize about 95% of the U.S. population."
"This club used to be cool but there are too many B&T people here." TRANSLATION: "I need to assert myself over the other people in this place because I feel insecure so I have to point out that they are not from Manhattan. Nevermind that 98% of the island isn't from here originally, and I grew up in Texas. I'm now living in Manhattan and I'm better than everyone."
Whew, I almost broke a sweat. Ok kids, listen up. For today's listen, I'm going to translate a review from Pitchfork since their reviews are written entirely in PAED. This one is for one of the freshest jamz of the last 10 years: Foo Fighters The Colour And The Shape. Make sure you're taking notes so you're not confused next time you go see that "genius" from Bright Eyes make animal noises with his guitar. (Pitchfork is in bold, I'm not, even though I am).
The Colour and the Shape was the Foo Fighters' second album, but it's the first to receive the commemorative 10th anniversary treatment. That's not to suggest the album is superior to Dave Grohl's 1995 Foos debut (it's not), but its double-platinum sales did mark the band's permanent transformation from humble hobby project into the grunge Wings: i.e., a band that could never claim the same cultural impact as its antecedent, but that can at least get played just as much on KROQ. And that was to be expected-- The Colour and the Shape's 1997 release was perfectly timed to herald modern rock radio's shift from grunge's roar to emo's wail.
TRANSLATION: I have to first make it clear that I knew about Foo Fighters from day one and I appreciate their first CD the most, since that was the least successful. I also have to claim that the record was somewhat tailored for radio play because, anytime someone cleans up the sound of their guitars or drums, they're clearly thinking "Yes! Radio will play this song!" To sum up, I am establishing my credibility in this first paragraph.
More so than the Foo Fighters' debut-- a homemade, self-recorded collection of demos Grohl had accumulated while manning Nirvana's drum stool-- The Colour and the Shape presented a true picture of the kind of group Grohl wanted to be in, had he not been sidetracked by the job of drumming for the biggest American rock band of the early 1990s. But despite Grohl's dream-team assembly-- Pixies producer Gil Norton, Germs guitarist Pat Smear, Sunny Day Real Estate bassist Nate Mendel, and former Alanis Morrissette drummer Taylor Hawkins (who joined after the album's recording)-- that band would turn out to be much more formulaically mall-punk than the Foos' torn 'n' frayed debut suggested.
TRANSLATION: I'm making it a point to remind you, yet again, that I liked the debut better because it's so much cooler to be down with the old stuff than new stuff. Notice how I point out how there were former members of The Germs and Sunny Day Real Estate. You might, at first, think I was mentioning that in case some people didn't know. Well, that's part of the reason, but the other reason is so I can assert myself over you and subconsciously point out that you're not as cultured as I am since you probably don't own and Germs or Sunny Day Real Estate records.
On that first album, Grohl displayed a remarkable deftness for balancing melody and menace-- even as the rocket-launcher riffs of "This Is a Call" and "I'll Stick Around" shot into the red, he never lost his cool. On The Colour and the Shape, the noise/pop relationship feels more forced, like Grohl's trying too hard to grind down his sweet tooth into a fang, dressing up virtually every song in a chrome-plated guitar gilding that boosts the volume and fidelity, but ultimately dulls the impact. Maybe he's overcompensating for being a softie at heart: the gentlest turns are either presented as brief teasers (the 84-second opener "Doll"), are appended with portentous, power-ballad choruses ("February Stars"), or are muted into a blur ("Walking After You", which reappeared in improved, revised form on The X-Files movie soundtrack). Or just contrast the first album's standout single "Big Me" with The Colour's "Up in Arms", two melodically similar songs in vastly different packaging: Where the former is content to coast as a simple, gentle jangle, the latter resorts to a soft/loud about-face that feels like nudge-wink schtick.
TRANSLATION: Wow, I bet you thought I was reviewing The Colour And The Shape but I'm teasing you by still talking about the 1st record. I'm making comparisons between songs on those records and making sure you realize that, yes, once again the first record is superior than the second. Even though the first record used the same soft/loud dynamics that I'm complaining about, I'm still going to bitch because that's what I do best!
Listening to the album a decade later, it's clear the singles were singles for a reason: "Monkey Wrench" romps like a typical Grant Hart Hüsker Dü number but is given a massive kick by Grohl's climactic, hoarse-throated third verse, and "My Hero" strikes the uncharted middle ground between sensitive-guy vulnerability and Super Bowl pre-game show soundtrack. And then, of course, there's the song that's kept me from unloading this disc at the used-record store: "Everlong", one the most affecting, passionate rock songs of the 1990s-- Sonic Youth's "Teenage Riot" recast as Weezer's "Say It Ain't So". (And yet, not even this pensive ode to blossoming romance is immune from the Foos' jokester tendencies-- thanks to its horror-spoof video, every time I hear this song I picture Taylor Hawkins in a Goldilocks outfit.)
TRANSLATION: So, here I do something out of the norm. I actually compliment the singles. In typical PAED fashion, I usually would poo-poo the singles because other people like them. However, I'm also sure to call out Sonic Youth to again assert myself over you because you probably don't have any of their records. I'm also letting you know that I really don't think this CD is that big of a deal and would have sold it to a used CD store (or your kid brother Blake) because I couldn't be bothered with such rubbish, yet when Sonic Youth goes around recording the sound of the heater clicking and a toilet being plunged, I'll refuse to part with that CD overnight and make up some bullshit story about how it "shaped my musical tastes."
The six B-sides tacked onto this anniversary edition-- four of them covers-- would seemingly serve as little more than excuse for the Foos to goof off, but in effect they lend the '97 Foos more, well, color and shape. On the album proper, Grohl shrieks that he doesn't get "enough space," but the robo-punk redux of Vanity 6's "Drive Me Wild" and the dub-metal prowl through Gary Numan's "Down in the Park" give the Foos room to explore the outer edges of their pop-punk parameters. Even the song most susceptible to the vagaries of kitsch, Gerry Rafferty's smooth-rock standard "Baker Street", is played with a straight face, and proves an ideal complement to Grohl's voice (though it also proves you shouldn't send a guitar to do a sax's job). The final bonus cut is the caterwauling, feedback-screeched title track, which was left off the original tracklist yet provides the only real evidence on this whole album that one of the Foo Fighters used to be in The Germs.
TRANSLATION: Since I gave the CD a 5.8 (which would still be an F by most school's standards) I have to at least tell you some of the parts I think are good. Naturally, those would be the B-sides, since that re-emphasises how I'm into things that are "out-of-the-norm" and "not mainstream."
Then again, this album was always about severing ties to the past, with Grohl's post-relationship purging ("I was always caged and now I'm freeeee!") doubling as a metaphor for his promotion from drummer to camera-ready frontman. At the time of The Colour and the Shape's release, many interpreted "My Hero" as a requiem for Kurt Cobain. But if there's a conversation going on between Grohl and his fallen friend here, it's in the arena-sized chorus of "Hey, Johnny Park", when he wonders, "Am I selling you out?" As the subsequent 10-year string of radio hits has shown, it's a question Grohl would never have to ask again.
TRANSLATION: Even though Dave Grohl went through a messy divorce around the time of making the record, I'm still going to assume that "Monkey Wrench" was written about him jumping ship from drums to guitars. Who cares that he had been writing songs since 1990 on guitar, I mean, the meaning is clear! I also make it a point to use the good ol' "sellout" argument because Foo Fighters have achieved mainstream success. Even though Dave Grohl has always wrote passionate songs, stayed away from trends yet refined the bands sound, I must make it a point to knock them down a few notches because they sound a lot crisper and cleaner than Nirvana.
Well, I hope I helped clear up the PAED language. If you have any more questions, just hop on the subway over to Williamsburg and I'm sure someone will be happy to assist you.
Monday, August 6, 2007
An open letter to major labels...
Dear Sony BMG, Warner Music, Universal and EMI,
Most of you will never read this, but on the chance that you do, it's time for you guys to change and what better way to do that than having some 23-year-old white guy sitting in a cubicle tell you what to do. You listening? No? Well, let's jump right into it either way.
First of all, the old model just isn't working anymore. I know how you guys operate. Artist records new album, and you get on the phone with all the PDs at radio stations trying to get them to play whatever the new single is. You then hope for big first week sales and for a buzz to build based off of radio play. I got news for you: THIS FORMULA ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE. Especially in the Rock and Alternative formats. I mean, as much as playing the new Puddle Of Mudd single in Omaha, NB might help, it just isn't going to sell anything. The reason being is that people don't really care and don't really listen to the radio. Yes, I know you guys sit in your offices in L.A. and New York everyday and try to think about reaching "Middle America" but you still find a way to screw that up. Believe it or not, people living in Oklahoma may not be that far behind the times as you initially thought. So, even if you get a number one single on the Alternative chart these days, you're still only bound to sell (maybe) 100,000 copies.
"Wow, aren't you a smart kid. So what should we do?"
Well, first of all, stop wearing sunglasses indoors. You're in your mid-30s. Stop trying to bang your secretary and pay attention. Also, you look like a huge tool when you have guitars in your office and you DON'T ACTUALLY PLAY. What you blowhards first have to realize is, the music audience is too fragmented for there to be superstars anymore. No one's going to take over the world and sell 10 million copies, sell out stadiums, etc. It's just not going to happen. That's not me being bitter and cynical, I'm just being realistic. There are way too many options out there for one act to truly shine. That doesn't mean artists can't still be successful. Just don't put $3 million into a new act that's probably going to only sell 100,000 copies. Give them a reasonable budget to record and then send their asses out on the road. Oh, the debut only sells 50,000 copies? So what. If they're packing clubs and people are talking about them, THAT's important. Remember, the question should be "How many people can we get this music out to?" not "How many people can we get to pay for this music?" Far too much time is spent having a bunch of doofy white dudes in a conference room trying to get Joe Blow from Kansas to plop down $16.99 at their local FYE for the latest Young Jeezy CD. That's going to happen LESS and LESS.
Let me give you an example of how it works now. I have a 17-year-old sister. When she wakes up in the morning, I can pretty much GUARANTEE you this thought never crosses her mind: "Hmmm, I need to go to Sam Goody and buy some CDs today." I'll tell you what does cross her mind when it comes to music "I need to get my friend to send me some Boys Like Girls songs." Yes, notice I said "songs" not "album" not "CD". Kids these days have so many choices, they're not gonna waste their time with a whole CD when they only like a few songs. I still don't get why you guys fought iTunes and other p2p services for so long. You had your chance to use it to your advantage back in 2000 but you still clung to this old model and that's what defeated you.
Alright, so now it's 2007, no one's buying CDs, people are buying ipods and getting their music for free, what do you do? Here's some ideas:
1) Stop signing so many acts. People are getting so tired of reading about "the next big thing" which is really just for more skinny white guys with guitars.
2) Focus on the acts you do sign and don't hold them to such high expectations. Nowadays, if an album doesn't at least go gold the act gets dropped. This goes back to my point that: NOT EVERY ACT NEEDS TO BE STARS. If you give a band a little budget, they'll go out on the road, work up a little fanbase, and make a bit of a career out of it. Sure, they'll never play arenas, but they won't be high maintenance.
3) Stop adding different Bonus tracks on. We don't want to buy a copy from Best Buy, Circuit City, Amazon and iTunes. If you're gonna add Bonus Tracks, just add them to the CD and sell it at ALL the outlets. It's a sign of greed and it just encourages more and more downloading.
4) Don't focus so much on the radio. Playlists are tighter than the beats in "Billie Jean." Plus, people are so disenchanted with the radio, they aren't really listening anymore. I'll tell you what the best thing that can happen to your act is: INTERNET BUZZ. But it has to be slow. Having all the hipster dufus blogs talk about your act will only work for a short time. Having kids on message boards talk about recent shows will build anticipation for the next release. Trust me, it can really work (you've heard of Fall Out Boy, right?)
5) This should be obvious, but take some chances on music style once in a while. Just because a sound is hot right now doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. How much money do you think was wasted in 1990 signing Motley Crue knockoffs only to have Nirvana come and stomp their colons? How about in 2003, when labels were still signing Limp Bizkit sound-a-likes while The White Stripes were tearing it up. At this point: stop signing ironic indie-dance acts, make-up wearing pop-punk bands, etc. Look for a band that's sincere and connects with their fans, that'll never go out of style.
6) Please, no one wants to hear socialites make CDs. Was the Paris Hilton disc really worth all that money you guys put into it? Didn't think so. Nobody cares that much. We just want to read about them in the tabloids. We don't want to hear their computer-enhanced voices.
7) Don't re-package previously released CDs as "deluxe editions" a year later. It's a rip-off to the true fan. If you do want to add this stuff, make it free. There's ways you can have someone insert their CD into their computer and give them a download code for whatever stupid "bonus feature" you have (which is most likely just boring backstage footage, or half-inspired acoustic versions).
8) "Greatest Hits" CDs usually don't work but if you're going to put them out, BE CONSISTENT. Put ALL of the singles on the CD. Don't leave big hit songs out just to try to make it even between all releases. For example, if you're releasing an Oasis greatest hits, the bulk if your material should come from the 90's. Be smart about it guys, come on.
9) Finally, don't pull out of online stores. Universal, you guys pulling out of iTunes was one of the dumbest things ever. That's one of the last remaining places people still go to buy music. I'm sorry, but people aren't going to drive to the store to buy whatever the latest crap is your trying to pawn off as art. Work TOGETHER with these online applications, not against them. While I'm at it, stop suing 9-year-olds for downloading Britney Spears. That's like a professional football player beating up a 14-year-old kid.
I hope you guys learned a little something today, now let's break out of this huddle, call the plays and win the game. Oh, and let's stop that NOW compilation bullshit as well. Thanks,
-your jaded friend
Most of you will never read this, but on the chance that you do, it's time for you guys to change and what better way to do that than having some 23-year-old white guy sitting in a cubicle tell you what to do. You listening? No? Well, let's jump right into it either way.
First of all, the old model just isn't working anymore. I know how you guys operate. Artist records new album, and you get on the phone with all the PDs at radio stations trying to get them to play whatever the new single is. You then hope for big first week sales and for a buzz to build based off of radio play. I got news for you: THIS FORMULA ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE. Especially in the Rock and Alternative formats. I mean, as much as playing the new Puddle Of Mudd single in Omaha, NB might help, it just isn't going to sell anything. The reason being is that people don't really care and don't really listen to the radio. Yes, I know you guys sit in your offices in L.A. and New York everyday and try to think about reaching "Middle America" but you still find a way to screw that up. Believe it or not, people living in Oklahoma may not be that far behind the times as you initially thought. So, even if you get a number one single on the Alternative chart these days, you're still only bound to sell (maybe) 100,000 copies.
"Wow, aren't you a smart kid. So what should we do?"
Well, first of all, stop wearing sunglasses indoors. You're in your mid-30s. Stop trying to bang your secretary and pay attention. Also, you look like a huge tool when you have guitars in your office and you DON'T ACTUALLY PLAY. What you blowhards first have to realize is, the music audience is too fragmented for there to be superstars anymore. No one's going to take over the world and sell 10 million copies, sell out stadiums, etc. It's just not going to happen. That's not me being bitter and cynical, I'm just being realistic. There are way too many options out there for one act to truly shine. That doesn't mean artists can't still be successful. Just don't put $3 million into a new act that's probably going to only sell 100,000 copies. Give them a reasonable budget to record and then send their asses out on the road. Oh, the debut only sells 50,000 copies? So what. If they're packing clubs and people are talking about them, THAT's important. Remember, the question should be "How many people can we get this music out to?" not "How many people can we get to pay for this music?" Far too much time is spent having a bunch of doofy white dudes in a conference room trying to get Joe Blow from Kansas to plop down $16.99 at their local FYE for the latest Young Jeezy CD. That's going to happen LESS and LESS.
Let me give you an example of how it works now. I have a 17-year-old sister. When she wakes up in the morning, I can pretty much GUARANTEE you this thought never crosses her mind: "Hmmm, I need to go to Sam Goody and buy some CDs today." I'll tell you what does cross her mind when it comes to music "I need to get my friend to send me some Boys Like Girls songs." Yes, notice I said "songs" not "album" not "CD". Kids these days have so many choices, they're not gonna waste their time with a whole CD when they only like a few songs. I still don't get why you guys fought iTunes and other p2p services for so long. You had your chance to use it to your advantage back in 2000 but you still clung to this old model and that's what defeated you.
Alright, so now it's 2007, no one's buying CDs, people are buying ipods and getting their music for free, what do you do? Here's some ideas:
1) Stop signing so many acts. People are getting so tired of reading about "the next big thing" which is really just for more skinny white guys with guitars.
2) Focus on the acts you do sign and don't hold them to such high expectations. Nowadays, if an album doesn't at least go gold the act gets dropped. This goes back to my point that: NOT EVERY ACT NEEDS TO BE STARS. If you give a band a little budget, they'll go out on the road, work up a little fanbase, and make a bit of a career out of it. Sure, they'll never play arenas, but they won't be high maintenance.
3) Stop adding different Bonus tracks on. We don't want to buy a copy from Best Buy, Circuit City, Amazon and iTunes. If you're gonna add Bonus Tracks, just add them to the CD and sell it at ALL the outlets. It's a sign of greed and it just encourages more and more downloading.
4) Don't focus so much on the radio. Playlists are tighter than the beats in "Billie Jean." Plus, people are so disenchanted with the radio, they aren't really listening anymore. I'll tell you what the best thing that can happen to your act is: INTERNET BUZZ. But it has to be slow. Having all the hipster dufus blogs talk about your act will only work for a short time. Having kids on message boards talk about recent shows will build anticipation for the next release. Trust me, it can really work (you've heard of Fall Out Boy, right?)
5) This should be obvious, but take some chances on music style once in a while. Just because a sound is hot right now doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. How much money do you think was wasted in 1990 signing Motley Crue knockoffs only to have Nirvana come and stomp their colons? How about in 2003, when labels were still signing Limp Bizkit sound-a-likes while The White Stripes were tearing it up. At this point: stop signing ironic indie-dance acts, make-up wearing pop-punk bands, etc. Look for a band that's sincere and connects with their fans, that'll never go out of style.
6) Please, no one wants to hear socialites make CDs. Was the Paris Hilton disc really worth all that money you guys put into it? Didn't think so. Nobody cares that much. We just want to read about them in the tabloids. We don't want to hear their computer-enhanced voices.
7) Don't re-package previously released CDs as "deluxe editions" a year later. It's a rip-off to the true fan. If you do want to add this stuff, make it free. There's ways you can have someone insert their CD into their computer and give them a download code for whatever stupid "bonus feature" you have (which is most likely just boring backstage footage, or half-inspired acoustic versions).
8) "Greatest Hits" CDs usually don't work but if you're going to put them out, BE CONSISTENT. Put ALL of the singles on the CD. Don't leave big hit songs out just to try to make it even between all releases. For example, if you're releasing an Oasis greatest hits, the bulk if your material should come from the 90's. Be smart about it guys, come on.
9) Finally, don't pull out of online stores. Universal, you guys pulling out of iTunes was one of the dumbest things ever. That's one of the last remaining places people still go to buy music. I'm sorry, but people aren't going to drive to the store to buy whatever the latest crap is your trying to pawn off as art. Work TOGETHER with these online applications, not against them. While I'm at it, stop suing 9-year-olds for downloading Britney Spears. That's like a professional football player beating up a 14-year-old kid.
I hope you guys learned a little something today, now let's break out of this huddle, call the plays and win the game. Oh, and let's stop that NOW compilation bullshit as well. Thanks,
-your jaded friend
Thursday, August 2, 2007
New CD rundown
Ok, here's the deal. There have been lots of new releases this summer and I'm going to give my quick thoughts on all of them. This isn't so much about in-depth reviews so much as me just throwing out some one-liners of new music.
STRATA - Presents The End Of The World
Wow! This came out of left field and totally amazed me. I was expected some more re-hashed yet acceptable melodic-yet-predictable rock. They took a cue from the more textured and experimental rock bands and made one of the best records I've heard this year. Kudos to them for pushing the envelope on their sound and not letting the limits of the genre constrict them.
KORN - Untitled
Hmmm. Many people have pointed out that this band is becoming more and more like a Jonathan Davis side project. I can see their point. While the band is taking some new chances the fact remains that they don't have same punch they used to. Sure, there are moments here and there that sound great but, much like See You On The Other Side, if you listen all at once, you're bound to get bored as the songs simply plod along.
YELLOWCARD - Paper Walls
After the dismal reception of the more mature Lights And Sounds a return to form was necessary for these guys. I think this is their tightest, focused and most confident sounding work to date. "Fighting" is probably as good a song as they'll ever write. For those of you who loved Ocean Avenue, this is a record for you.
SMASHING PUMPKINS - Zeitgist
I really wanted to love this. I like it, but that's all. It sounds like Billy was so concerned with rocking again he forgot all about what made the Pumpkins great in the first place, and that's for their melodies. Sure, old Billy-boy is great at layering guitars and making that classic Big-Muff fuzzy Pumpkins sound, but when he loses the melody, he loses everything. The record hits hard, but that's all. There are moments, like "Starz", that I truly appreciate. I think I have to let this grow on me more.
BAD RELIGION - New Maps Of Hell
These guys just refuse to put out a bad record. Sure, they don't break much new ground, but they still are great songwriters. Their catchy, fast, poppy-but-not-sugary punk continues to satisfy me to this day. Sure, they'll never be TRL mainstays because they're not "cute" enough, but you'd be hard pressed to find a working band today more relevant in the punk community than Bad Religion.
LINKIN PARK - Minutes To Midnight
This CD is pissing a lot of people off. I can see why those longing for their rap-rock sound are angry, but I think this was the best decision for the band. More melodic, more varied and not as predictable, this is where Linkin Park wants to be. Sure, it won't sell as much as Meteora but that's fine. The band can coast off their past sucess for awhile and try new things. Kudos to "The Little Things Give You Away", which is the shining moment on this disc.
CIRCA SURVIVE - On Letting Go
Since they stemmed from the Warped Tour community, the hipster dufus blogs won't give this band a chance. Their loss. Anthony Green's riveting vocals soar over tricky-yet-beautiful guitar lines. Circa doesn't really have hooks persay, but their songs are still infectious in their own strange way. You can hear so many influences yet the band manages to make their own sound out of everything.
More to come later...
STRATA - Presents The End Of The World
Wow! This came out of left field and totally amazed me. I was expected some more re-hashed yet acceptable melodic-yet-predictable rock. They took a cue from the more textured and experimental rock bands and made one of the best records I've heard this year. Kudos to them for pushing the envelope on their sound and not letting the limits of the genre constrict them.
KORN - Untitled
Hmmm. Many people have pointed out that this band is becoming more and more like a Jonathan Davis side project. I can see their point. While the band is taking some new chances the fact remains that they don't have same punch they used to. Sure, there are moments here and there that sound great but, much like See You On The Other Side, if you listen all at once, you're bound to get bored as the songs simply plod along.
YELLOWCARD - Paper Walls
After the dismal reception of the more mature Lights And Sounds a return to form was necessary for these guys. I think this is their tightest, focused and most confident sounding work to date. "Fighting" is probably as good a song as they'll ever write. For those of you who loved Ocean Avenue, this is a record for you.
SMASHING PUMPKINS - Zeitgist
BAD RELIGION - New Maps Of Hell
These guys just refuse to put out a bad record. Sure, they don't break much new ground, but they still are great songwriters. Their catchy, fast, poppy-but-not-sugary punk continues to satisfy me to this day. Sure, they'll never be TRL mainstays because they're not "cute" enough, but you'd be hard pressed to find a working band today more relevant in the punk community than Bad Religion.
LINKIN PARK - Minutes To Midnight
This CD is pissing a lot of people off. I can see why those longing for their rap-rock sound are angry, but I think this was the best decision for the band. More melodic, more varied and not as predictable, this is where Linkin Park wants to be. Sure, it won't sell as much as Meteora but that's fine. The band can coast off their past sucess for awhile and try new things. Kudos to "The Little Things Give You Away", which is the shining moment on this disc.
CIRCA SURVIVE - On Letting Go
Since they stemmed from the Warped Tour community, the hipster dufus blogs won't give this band a chance. Their loss. Anthony Green's riveting vocals soar over tricky-yet-beautiful guitar lines. Circa doesn't really have hooks persay, but their songs are still infectious in their own strange way. You can hear so many influences yet the band manages to make their own sound out of everything.
More to come later...
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
They Say Jump, You Say "How High?"
It wouldn't be summer if I didn't visit Randalls Island at least once to see some loud rock n' roll music. The dust pit used to hold the Warped Tour every year until they decided to bring it out to Long Island. Still, I haven't gone a summer without going to Randalls Island since 1999 and this summer was no different. Well, actually it was a little different, this summer was the reunion of Rage Against The Machine at the mostly hip-hop Rock The Bells festival. Hip-hop fans, hard rock fans, meatheads, frat boys and the MTA Transit all celebrated (Open letter to the city of New York and MTA: Hey guys, Thanks for charging the extra dollar on the bus to get to Randalls Island and making everyone buy a round trip ticket in advance. I also would like to express gratitude that you made sure to not allow people to use their monthly passes, since that wouldn't be fair to us who had to pay a dollar extra for the ride. I mean, sure, it's public transportation with set rates but since it's an "express" bus, I'm sure that warrants the extra buck. I'm also sure that all this extra money will go towards raising the salaries of the workers at the MTA and not to, er, I dunno, some rich white guy somewhere. Either way, I'm always happy to hang out with you guys. I actually got a ride back instead of taking the bus, which is too bad, because I was thinking of inviting all the MTA workers over to my apartment where we could make popcorn, snuggle up on the couch, and watch The Notebook on VHS.)
Oh, anyways, the show. A few observations (pre-RATM):
1) Holy shit, Flava Flav looks like he still smokes way too much crack. His eyes are pure YELLOW!
2) Quote of the year so far is when Flav brought his kids out: "Yo, these are my motherfuckin' kids! They're on the honor roll"
3) I never knew the Roots were that talented.
4) Ok, Cypress Hill, really? You guys are almost 40 and you're still obsessed with this slacker/marijuana/gangsta culture. It's time to give it up. As much as people might want to see fat 40-year-olds parade around stage rapping about getting weed in the mail and pretended to be tough guys, it's just laughable. You do realize you're a walking punch line, right?
5) I almost fell asleep during Wu-Tang. Seriously, the whole set seemed like a tribute to the Wu-Tang Clan than them actually performing. They spent 40% of it just getting prepared for the verse "Here we go", "Turn my mic up", "Throw your hands in the air", etc.
Now, Rage Against The Machine. No stupid corny bullshit intro music. No big build-up. They walked onstage with Zach De La Rocha proclaiming "Good evening, we are Rage Against The Machine from Los Angeles, California" and then, BOOM, ripped right into "Testify." The power that these guys bring with their music is incredible. There's no melody to really be found anywhere but it's still breath-taking. Seriously, I think at the end of "Down Rodeo" when Zach whispers "such a quiet, peaceful death" is one of the most beautiful moments in a song I've ever heard. My friend who was having the time of his life in the pits, grabbed me at one point and simply noted "This is awesome man. No computers, no pre-set sounds" and he was right. Rage relies on nothing more than guitar, bass and vocals yet they don't sound tired, they don't sound uninspired, they sound like a violent battle you don't want to fuck with.
Let's not forget that Zach barely said anything. They just ripped through one powerful song after another. This is the type of band where EVERY song they play is huge. Be it "Know Your Enemy", "Guerilla Radio", "Tire Me", every song was a crowd favorite. Zach saved his anti-Bush speech for the end proving that he's just as angry as ever, as he should be given the current administration. As a band, they were tight as ever. You can tell Tom Morello loves playing those riffs, much more than any Audioslave song. If there's one thing this night did for me, it told me I could never give up on rock music. No matter how boring or mundane it can seem at times, there is a reason it still exists. Rage Against The Machine are one of those reasons.
Still, I wondered how many of the fans there were able to grasp what Rage were about. Did they rally behind the social lyrics, the messages of political unfairness and oppression? Did they want to stand up and fight the system, fight the power? Or where they just looking to have a mock football practice and "kick some ass"? There were a lot of big cheers after Zach stated Bush should be brought to justice, but how many of those cheers were people following along with the crowd? How many people can truly think for themselves? Do people really want to stand up and challenge social injustices, or do they just want to let a rock band make them feel empowered for an hour and 20 minutes and then go back to letting FOX News do their thinking for them? Who knows the answers to all these questions but one thing is for sure: we need Rage Against The Machine to stay.
Oh, anyways, the show. A few observations (pre-RATM):
1) Holy shit, Flava Flav looks like he still smokes way too much crack. His eyes are pure YELLOW!
2) Quote of the year so far is when Flav brought his kids out: "Yo, these are my motherfuckin' kids! They're on the honor roll"
3) I never knew the Roots were that talented.
4) Ok, Cypress Hill, really? You guys are almost 40 and you're still obsessed with this slacker/marijuana/gangsta culture. It's time to give it up. As much as people might want to see fat 40-year-olds parade around stage rapping about getting weed in the mail and pretended to be tough guys, it's just laughable. You do realize you're a walking punch line, right?
5) I almost fell asleep during Wu-Tang. Seriously, the whole set seemed like a tribute to the Wu-Tang Clan than them actually performing. They spent 40% of it just getting prepared for the verse "Here we go", "Turn my mic up", "Throw your hands in the air", etc.
Now, Rage Against The Machine. No stupid corny bullshit intro music. No big build-up. They walked onstage with Zach De La Rocha proclaiming "Good evening, we are Rage Against The Machine from Los Angeles, California" and then, BOOM, ripped right into "Testify." The power that these guys bring with their music is incredible. There's no melody to really be found anywhere but it's still breath-taking. Seriously, I think at the end of "Down Rodeo" when Zach whispers "such a quiet, peaceful death" is one of the most beautiful moments in a song I've ever heard. My friend who was having the time of his life in the pits, grabbed me at one point and simply noted "This is awesome man. No computers, no pre-set sounds" and he was right. Rage relies on nothing more than guitar, bass and vocals yet they don't sound tired, they don't sound uninspired, they sound like a violent battle you don't want to fuck with.
Let's not forget that Zach barely said anything. They just ripped through one powerful song after another. This is the type of band where EVERY song they play is huge. Be it "Know Your Enemy", "Guerilla Radio", "Tire Me", every song was a crowd favorite. Zach saved his anti-Bush speech for the end proving that he's just as angry as ever, as he should be given the current administration. As a band, they were tight as ever. You can tell Tom Morello loves playing those riffs, much more than any Audioslave song. If there's one thing this night did for me, it told me I could never give up on rock music. No matter how boring or mundane it can seem at times, there is a reason it still exists. Rage Against The Machine are one of those reasons.
Still, I wondered how many of the fans there were able to grasp what Rage were about. Did they rally behind the social lyrics, the messages of political unfairness and oppression? Did they want to stand up and fight the system, fight the power? Or where they just looking to have a mock football practice and "kick some ass"? There were a lot of big cheers after Zach stated Bush should be brought to justice, but how many of those cheers were people following along with the crowd? How many people can truly think for themselves? Do people really want to stand up and challenge social injustices, or do they just want to let a rock band make them feel empowered for an hour and 20 minutes and then go back to letting FOX News do their thinking for them? Who knows the answers to all these questions but one thing is for sure: we need Rage Against The Machine to stay.
Friday, July 27, 2007
The leak
I read an interesting article in SPIN this month (I know, when do "interesting article" and SPIN ever go in the same senetence?) and I was amazed that it took this long for a magazine to cover this issue. The record leak has been going strong for nearly 10 years and labels are still going apeshit about what to do about it. Some people argue that it takes away from that first listen. You know, how you used to go to the CD store, buy the CD, unwrap the plastic in the parking lot (which would take 5-10 minutes for most people since they still package those things so you have to de-claw, cut, rip apart and scratch the fucking package to get the plastic off. By the way, what the fuck is the point of putting the promotional sticker on the INSIDE of the plastic? If I've already bought it do I really need to know what "hit singles" it features? You already have my $12.99, what do you care?) Anyways, as I was saying, major labels are shitting their pants because kids are downloading the new Young Jeezy jams insteads of forking over $16.99 at their local FYE. Don't worry, that's where your good overstimulated friend comes in to help calm you down. Major labels and major acts should take special note (not like any of you would ever be reading my pathetic blog, but just in case). Little bands, use this to your advantage.
ALBUM LEAK DO'S AND DONT'S
DO stream the CD on your MySpace/Website once you've found out your album leaks. This will allow fans to hear it who might have downloaded it to begin with. Since you can't really rip a stream (and if you do, it sounds like shit) it will allow people to do what they would be doing by downloading it. That is, SEEING IF IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD. Contrary to belief, most people are way too stupid to navigate around the web to find newly leaked material, that is, with crap like Kazaa, Morpheus and all the other McDonald's versions of p2p programs being out of commission. Of course, most people have that one "computer geek" friend who can find anything but, if you stream the CD on your site, your big fans and casual fans will love the early treat and will appreciate you adapting to the times.
DON'T be a little bitch and do a bunch of press saying how you're totally pissed and heartbroken that your record leaked and that you worked so hard and that "people need to appreciate the full presentation of the album." Blah, blah, blah, what this really translates to is "I'm losing sales, don't steal from me." Look, I know you all take a lot of pride in the artwork and layout of the CD, but the fact of the matter is that not that many people care. They want what they want and they want it now. Doing this just makes you look like a crybaby pussy and people lose respect for you. Especially and I repeat ESPECIALLY when you're already a multi-platinum artist. Yes, I know, you don't make as much money as people think with managers, record label execs, producers, engineers, lawyers, publicists, booking agents, etc. to pay but still, it will only hurt your image when you bitch about this and try to make it out like it's a worldwide tragedy (I'm looking in your direction Pete Wentz).
DO post a message on your website/myspace/newsletter indicating that you've been made aware of the leak and make it be something like this: "Hey guys, so we realized our CD leaked and we wanted to let you guys know we're also streaming it on our website if you don't want to have to hunt around the internet for it. We appreciate all your support and hope you still choose to purchase it come. Thanks again, we love our fans!" Really, you'd be surprised at how people respond to honesty.
DO add some bonus features to your CD. Unreleased tracks, music videos, a small DVD. Fans really pick up on this kinda stuff, however...
DON'T charge extra for it. It's really fucking dumb seeing the "deluxe version" of some CD that's $5 more with some DVD of the band basically sitting around playing grabass with each other. Remember, these bonus DVDs are usually something people are only gonna watch once and the "bonus tracks", well, usually there's a reason you didn't want to initially put it on the album. Also, I know it's tempting, but don't do all this bullshit where Best Buy gets a certain bonus track, Circuit City gets another, Itunes, gets another etc. That's basically asking people to download it for free.
Also, here's a few tips on how not to have your CD leaked:
DON'T give it to anybody. Seriously. Giving someone advance music by a big artist is like telling your friend that you're banging your hot math teacher. It's just not something people can keep to themselves. So, if you wonder why your new CD is online and remember giving it to that dipshit friend of your kid brothers, don't come crying to us about it.
DO release a few tracks before the CD is out. Sure, we've all heard the first single, but we want to hear a little more. Give us a taste of what else we can expect. This will give people more of an idea of what the overall album will sound like and they'll have more of an idea if they'll like it or not.
That's all from your sarcastic/cynical friend for now. I hope we all learned something. In other news, I totally downloaded the new Cartel CD. But more on that later...
ALBUM LEAK DO'S AND DONT'S
DO stream the CD on your MySpace/Website once you've found out your album leaks. This will allow fans to hear it who might have downloaded it to begin with. Since you can't really rip a stream (and if you do, it sounds like shit) it will allow people to do what they would be doing by downloading it. That is, SEEING IF IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD. Contrary to belief, most people are way too stupid to navigate around the web to find newly leaked material, that is, with crap like Kazaa, Morpheus and all the other McDonald's versions of p2p programs being out of commission. Of course, most people have that one "computer geek" friend who can find anything but, if you stream the CD on your site, your big fans and casual fans will love the early treat and will appreciate you adapting to the times.
DON'T be a little bitch and do a bunch of press saying how you're totally pissed and heartbroken that your record leaked and that you worked so hard and that "people need to appreciate the full presentation of the album." Blah, blah, blah, what this really translates to is "I'm losing sales, don't steal from me." Look, I know you all take a lot of pride in the artwork and layout of the CD, but the fact of the matter is that not that many people care. They want what they want and they want it now. Doing this just makes you look like a crybaby pussy and people lose respect for you. Especially and I repeat ESPECIALLY when you're already a multi-platinum artist. Yes, I know, you don't make as much money as people think with managers, record label execs, producers, engineers, lawyers, publicists, booking agents, etc. to pay but still, it will only hurt your image when you bitch about this and try to make it out like it's a worldwide tragedy (I'm looking in your direction Pete Wentz).
DO post a message on your website/myspace/newsletter indicating that you've been made aware of the leak and make it be something like this: "Hey guys, so we realized our CD leaked and we wanted to let you guys know we're also streaming it on our website if you don't want to have to hunt around the internet for it. We appreciate all your support and hope you still choose to purchase it come
DO add some bonus features to your CD. Unreleased tracks, music videos, a small DVD. Fans really pick up on this kinda stuff, however...
DON'T charge extra for it. It's really fucking dumb seeing the "deluxe version" of some CD that's $5 more with some DVD of the band basically sitting around playing grabass with each other. Remember, these bonus DVDs are usually something people are only gonna watch once and the "bonus tracks", well, usually there's a reason you didn't want to initially put it on the album. Also, I know it's tempting, but don't do all this bullshit where Best Buy gets a certain bonus track, Circuit City gets another, Itunes, gets another etc. That's basically asking people to download it for free.
Also, here's a few tips on how not to have your CD leaked:
DON'T give it to anybody. Seriously. Giving someone advance music by a big artist is like telling your friend that you're banging your hot math teacher. It's just not something people can keep to themselves. So, if you wonder why your new CD is online and remember giving it to that dipshit friend of your kid brothers, don't come crying to us about it.
DO release a few tracks before the CD is out. Sure, we've all heard the first single, but we want to hear a little more. Give us a taste of what else we can expect. This will give people more of an idea of what the overall album will sound like and they'll have more of an idea if they'll like it or not.
That's all from your sarcastic/cynical friend for now. I hope we all learned something. In other news, I totally downloaded the new Cartel CD. But more on that later...
Let's Get Awesome and Live
There are a number of types of buzz that build around bands and how they cross into the mainstream, let's examine this shall we.
1) Initial major label backing stirs up enough buzz for a band's debut to have respectable first-week sales. This is usually done by pushing the first single hard at radio way before the disc is released. The problem with this method is that, in this day in age, radio just doesn't have any pull. People now have the opportunity to get music from so many other places: friends, myspace, free p2p programs. And, with radio sucking an uncircumsized penis, it's not like many people sit around thinking "Wow, I want to hear some new music. Let's turn on the radio so I can hear dipshits talking in between songs, commercials with car salesman yelling at me and the same song played 50 times a week." I was alive in the tail end of this era. A lot of the post-grunge bands were able to have initial success with this method. Puddle Of Mudd, Fuel, The Vines are a few that come to mind. The problem is that when your first exposure to EVERYONE is only on the radio, you have no fans, just people who like your song. Once the hits stop coming, the people dissapear. Puddle Of Mudd went something like 3x platinum with their debut. Do you think they could sell out Irving Plaza (1000-capacity venue in NYC) today? Probably not.
2) The Hype Machine. With radio declining, in the early millenium we saw every magazine from NME and Spin hyping the latest batch of skinny pale white guys, all usually looking like they'd rather be taking a nap than playing music. You remember 2001/2002 right? The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Vines, The Hives, The Huge Vaginas (ok, I made the last one up, but now some dork is probably going to read this and use that as his band name). Anyways, in this era, with nu-metal, pop-punk and radio-friendly post-grunge being at the forefront, it was seen as "cutting edge" to rip off the 60's/70's than the early 90's. While I can admit the sound was refreshing, and The White Stripes are still badass even to this day, it wasn't going to last because they just weren't connecting with their audience. Also, do you really have fans or do you have people who want to feel enlightened and be into the "acclaimed" bands? The Strokes still haven't put out a record that sold as well as Is This It? The Vines, The Hives, The Von Blondies, where are they? The hype machine is much like the radio machine. It will build you a ton of initial buzz but when the fad's over, so is the ride. You think people will still give a shit about The Arcade Fire in 4 years? Not reallly. Sure, they will still have fans since they did have an established fanbase, but they were never meant for the mainstream. They're at their peak now and will only go down from here.
3) Tour in a shitty van for 4-5 years, build yup your fanbase and let the mainstream come to you. Bands like Death Cab For Cutie weren't seeking out rock stardom. No, they just wrote their quirky little pop songs and more and more people bought each disc that came out. Soon enough, TV shows took notice, and major labels were offering to do back flips off skyscrapers to sign them. Yes, their major label debut didn't blow up the world, but they have a fan base and will be able to continue comfortably for as long as they like. Fall Out Boy has a similar story as well. They toured in a shitty van, graduated to a tour bus and kept playing these small clubs, getting more and more kids talking about them on the internet after each show. They also made a point to embrace the new technologies by keeping in touch with their fans through postings on their MySpace, LiveJournal, web site and making the kids feel like they were A PART of something. They weren't the pretentious indie rockers you feel not worthy of talking to because you didn't listen to The Velvet Underground growing up, they were on your side. And people WANT that. Sure, now they play huge arenas and maybe their fanbase has shifted towards more mainstream listeners but that's still ok. People connect with this band and, even if they aren't playing arenas forever, they will always have people coming out to see them.
This brings me to what this post was really about. Motion City Soundtrack. I've had the pleasure of seeing them numerous times and I've watched them continue to grow and grow. A few days ago I saw them at the Grammercy Theatre here in Manhattan (er, that's the Blender @ Grammercy Theatre now I guess). Show sold out in a few days. Wait, no radio single? No problem! Their quirky lyrics, addictive melodies, upbeat moog-inspired sound have kids in love with this band. Their third release, coming out on Epitath records, will be out in September and if I had to bet my life savings on it (not much money mind you), the release after this one will be on a major. They have a fanbase, you ALREADY HAVE A BUILT IN AUDIENCE! There's no need for NME to be sucking them off because people KNOW about them and WANT to know more. Do your self a favor and check them out if you've been living under a rock and don't know them: http://www.myspace.com/motioncitysoundtrack . Something tells me that this past week was the last time I'll be seeing them in a small club for a while...
1) Initial major label backing stirs up enough buzz for a band's debut to have respectable first-week sales. This is usually done by pushing the first single hard at radio way before the disc is released. The problem with this method is that, in this day in age, radio just doesn't have any pull. People now have the opportunity to get music from so many other places: friends, myspace, free p2p programs. And, with radio sucking an uncircumsized penis, it's not like many people sit around thinking "Wow, I want to hear some new music. Let's turn on the radio so I can hear dipshits talking in between songs, commercials with car salesman yelling at me and the same song played 50 times a week." I was alive in the tail end of this era. A lot of the post-grunge bands were able to have initial success with this method. Puddle Of Mudd, Fuel, The Vines are a few that come to mind. The problem is that when your first exposure to EVERYONE is only on the radio, you have no fans, just people who like your song. Once the hits stop coming, the people dissapear. Puddle Of Mudd went something like 3x platinum with their debut. Do you think they could sell out Irving Plaza (1000-capacity venue in NYC) today? Probably not.
2) The Hype Machine. With radio declining, in the early millenium we saw every magazine from NME and Spin hyping the latest batch of skinny pale white guys, all usually looking like they'd rather be taking a nap than playing music. You remember 2001/2002 right? The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Vines, The Hives, The Huge Vaginas (ok, I made the last one up, but now some dork is probably going to read this and use that as his band name). Anyways, in this era, with nu-metal, pop-punk and radio-friendly post-grunge being at the forefront, it was seen as "cutting edge" to rip off the 60's/70's than the early 90's. While I can admit the sound was refreshing, and The White Stripes are still badass even to this day, it wasn't going to last because they just weren't connecting with their audience. Also, do you really have fans or do you have people who want to feel enlightened and be into the "acclaimed" bands? The Strokes still haven't put out a record that sold as well as Is This It? The Vines, The Hives, The Von Blondies, where are they? The hype machine is much like the radio machine. It will build you a ton of initial buzz but when the fad's over, so is the ride. You think people will still give a shit about The Arcade Fire in 4 years? Not reallly. Sure, they will still have fans since they did have an established fanbase, but they were never meant for the mainstream. They're at their peak now and will only go down from here.
3) Tour in a shitty van for 4-5 years, build yup your fanbase and let the mainstream come to you. Bands like Death Cab For Cutie weren't seeking out rock stardom. No, they just wrote their quirky little pop songs and more and more people bought each disc that came out. Soon enough, TV shows took notice, and major labels were offering to do back flips off skyscrapers to sign them. Yes, their major label debut didn't blow up the world, but they have a fan base and will be able to continue comfortably for as long as they like. Fall Out Boy has a similar story as well. They toured in a shitty van, graduated to a tour bus and kept playing these small clubs, getting more and more kids talking about them on the internet after each show. They also made a point to embrace the new technologies by keeping in touch with their fans through postings on their MySpace, LiveJournal, web site and making the kids feel like they were A PART of something. They weren't the pretentious indie rockers you feel not worthy of talking to because you didn't listen to The Velvet Underground growing up, they were on your side. And people WANT that. Sure, now they play huge arenas and maybe their fanbase has shifted towards more mainstream listeners but that's still ok. People connect with this band and, even if they aren't playing arenas forever, they will always have people coming out to see them.
This brings me to what this post was really about. Motion City Soundtrack. I've had the pleasure of seeing them numerous times and I've watched them continue to grow and grow. A few days ago I saw them at the Grammercy Theatre here in Manhattan (er, that's the Blender @ Grammercy Theatre now I guess). Show sold out in a few days. Wait, no radio single? No problem! Their quirky lyrics, addictive melodies, upbeat moog-inspired sound have kids in love with this band. Their third release, coming out on Epitath records, will be out in September and if I had to bet my life savings on it (not much money mind you), the release after this one will be on a major. They have a fanbase, you ALREADY HAVE A BUILT IN AUDIENCE! There's no need for NME to be sucking them off because people KNOW about them and WANT to know more. Do your self a favor and check them out if you've been living under a rock and don't know them: http://www.myspace.com/motioncitysoundtrack . Something tells me that this past week was the last time I'll be seeing them in a small club for a while...
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