The leak

I read an interesting article in SPIN this month (I know, when do "interesting article" and SPIN ever go in the same senetence?) and I was amazed that it took this long for a magazine to cover this issue. The record leak has been going strong for nearly 10 years and labels are still going apeshit about what to do about it. Some people argue that it takes away from that first listen. You know, how you used to go to the CD store, buy the CD, unwrap the plastic in the parking lot (which would take 5-10 minutes for most people since they still package those things so you have to de-claw, cut, rip apart and scratch the fucking package to get the plastic off. By the way, what the fuck is the point of putting the promotional sticker on the INSIDE of the plastic? If I've already bought it do I really need to know what "hit singles" it features? You already have my $12.99, what do you care?) Anyways, as I was saying, major labels are shitting their pants because kids are downloading the new Young Jeezy jams insteads of forking over $16.99 at their local FYE. Don't worry, that's where your good overstimulated friend comes in to help calm you down. Major labels and major acts should take special note (not like any of you would ever be reading my pathetic blog, but just in case). Little bands, use this to your advantage.

ALBUM LEAK DO'S AND DONT'S

DO stream the CD on your MySpace/Website once you've found out your album leaks. This will allow fans to hear it who might have downloaded it to begin with. Since you can't really rip a stream (and if you do, it sounds like shit) it will allow people to do what they would be doing by downloading it. That is, SEEING IF IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD. Contrary to belief, most people are way too stupid to navigate around the web to find newly leaked material, that is, with crap like Kazaa, Morpheus and all the other McDonald's versions of p2p programs being out of commission. Of course, most people have that one "computer geek" friend who can find anything but, if you stream the CD on your site, your big fans and casual fans will love the early treat and will appreciate you adapting to the times.

DON'T be a little bitch and do a bunch of press saying how you're totally pissed and heartbroken that your record leaked and that you worked so hard and that "people need to appreciate the full presentation of the album." Blah, blah, blah, what this really translates to is "I'm losing sales, don't steal from me." Look, I know you all take a lot of pride in the artwork and layout of the CD, but the fact of the matter is that not that many people care. They want what they want and they want it now. Doing this just makes you look like a crybaby pussy and people lose respect for you. Especially and I repeat ESPECIALLY when you're already a multi-platinum artist. Yes, I know, you don't make as much money as people think with managers, record label execs, producers, engineers, lawyers, publicists, booking agents, etc. to pay but still, it will only hurt your image when you bitch about this and try to make it out like it's a worldwide tragedy (I'm looking in your direction Pete Wentz).

DO post a message on your website/myspace/newsletter indicating that you've been made aware of the leak and make it be something like this: "Hey guys, so we realized our CD leaked and we wanted to let you guys know we're also streaming it on our website if you don't want to have to hunt around the internet for it. We appreciate all your support and hope you still choose to purchase it come . Thanks again, we love our fans!" Really, you'd be surprised at how people respond to honesty.

DO add some bonus features to your CD. Unreleased tracks, music videos, a small DVD. Fans really pick up on this kinda stuff, however...

DON'T charge extra for it. It's really fucking dumb seeing the "deluxe version" of some CD that's $5 more with some DVD of the band basically sitting around playing grabass with each other. Remember, these bonus DVDs are usually something people are only gonna watch once and the "bonus tracks", well, usually there's a reason you didn't want to initially put it on the album. Also, I know it's tempting, but don't do all this bullshit where Best Buy gets a certain bonus track, Circuit City gets another, Itunes, gets another etc. That's basically asking people to download it for free.

Also, here's a few tips on how not to have your CD leaked:

DON'T give it to anybody. Seriously. Giving someone advance music by a big artist is like telling your friend that you're banging your hot math teacher. It's just not something people can keep to themselves. So, if you wonder why your new CD is online and remember giving it to that dipshit friend of your kid brothers, don't come crying to us about it.

DO release a few tracks before the CD is out. Sure, we've all heard the first single, but we want to hear a little more. Give us a taste of what else we can expect. This will give people more of an idea of what the overall album will sound like and they'll have more of an idea if they'll like it or not.

That's all from your sarcastic/cynical friend for now. I hope we all learned something. In other news, I totally downloaded the new Cartel CD. But more on that later...