50 or Kanye? Neither actually...

So the question on everyone's mind recently has been:

"WOW, WHY DOES BRITNEY SPEARS CONTINUE TO PUT US THROUGH SUCH TORTURE?"

But besides that, many peopel are asking

"OMG WTF WHU DO U TINK WILL CELL MO' DISCS, FITTY OR KANYE, LOL!?!?!!!?"

As a loyal citizen, I'm here to tell you to NOT purchase either of those CDs. In fact, I suggest that you download them illegally, and send them to as many friends as possible. Actually, let's take it a step beyond that, send it to everyone you can think of, even people you know don't like 50 Cent or Kanye West. Hell, I plan on burning it onto a CD, recording it to a cassette tape (for the younger audience, please wikipedia that) and sending it to my grandmother. I'll post a link in my away message (which will be checked by a grand total of 4 people) as to where to download both discs.

"BUT PHIL, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE $25 I SAVED UP TO BUY THOSE CDS LOL?!?!?!"

Ah, I'm glad you asked that. A little band called Hot Hot Heat released their new disc yesterday called Happiness Ltd. and they are much more deserving of your $9.99 (or, $16.99 if you're one of those tools who still goes to FYE). Here's why you should buy Hot Hot Heat rather than 50 or Kanye

- Hot Hot Heat doesn't throw a temper tantrum when they lose to someone else in some meaningless bullshit award at the MTV VMAs

- Hot Hot heat doesn't need to remind you in every interview how they got shot 9 times

- Hot Hot Heat makes you dance, jump, and sign. 50 Cent and Kanye West make you defecate onto the floor.

- Hot Hot Heat will have no problem coming over and hanging out with your mom. It'll be a good, clean afternoon of watching TV and looking at old pictures of you. 50 Cent and Kanye West will be too busy flexing their muscles and wearing stupid white sunglasses.

- Hot Hot Heat are low in fat, low in sugar, high in fun!

Ok, so now, if you're looking for the 50 Cent or Kanye West CD, just ask whoever your "coolest" friend is (by coolest I mean your one friend who has finally moved on to not using Kazaa or Limewire) and ask them to get you the freshest jamz from 50 and Kanye so you can feel semi-rebellious while bumpin' those tunes in your Jeep Wrangler. Again, I'm not saying 50 Cent and Kanye aren't talented, I'm just asking you not to spend money on their music. Let me know if you have any more questions. Thanks!